Current Conditions of the Market:
Let me be clear: this is not the typical conditions of the market where stocks fluctuate double and triple digit percentages per day. There’s a place for that - the casino. In recent weeks, herds of new traders are pouring into the trading scene hoping to get a piece of the volatile market that has turned the rags to riches, or the other way around. The stock market as a whole, under normal conditions, moves gradually in both directions, guided by trends, innovation, speculation, earnings report, and financial changes. What we are in right now is a hysteria-filled environment that is risky for both veteran traders and novices. Any uninformed, reckless decision can produce different results - by chance. Be wise and do not let chance underlie your success or bankruptcy stories. Please do your research first before investing into anything and whatever you do, do not make the mistake of over-extending yourself with margin (brokerage-provided capital) that you cannot repay should things go south. People have and continue to make this fundamental mistake that will ruin them financially for years. Stock investments should be about long-term growth, stability, and supplemental to your income. Investments should give you access to the opportunity of financial freedom, but should not be your primary source for income. Do not listen to stock gurus and paid-only discord groups - they don’t make money from stocks, they make money from you. Lastly, this atypical market condition is the perfect storm for spontaneous “pump and dumps” where stocks become inflated, and based on fool’s theory or musical chairs (whichever you prefer), the last one that gets out gets burned. Be smart, be patient, do the research.
Basic Stock Jargons & Short/Long Positions:
Long - you’re buying and holding a stock with the intention for it to increase in value.
Short - you’re borrowing shares from a lender (brokerage, investment firm, individual investors), selling it to someone, and hoping to buy it back at a lower price. Your profit is the difference in the sell and buy back price. I’ll provide a real world example because this concept it a bit more complex:

Person A is a share lender. They want to lend the share and get paid a small interest rate as compensation.
Person B asks Person A to lend him that share temporarily. Person B does not pay anything upfront, but he promises to pay Person A in the form of interest over time.
Person B finds a buyer Person C. Person C wants to buy a stock so it can go up. Person C is “long” on this stock. Person B, however, is short on this stock because he wants the value of the stock to go down.
Person C pays Person B $10 for the stock. Now, Person C has spent $10, and Person B has gained $10.
Two hypothetical situation happens now:
- Scenario 1: Stock value increases to $15. Person C is now up $5 and he sells because he’s making nice gains. Person B needs to buy back that share at $15, but he only gained $10 profit initially. Now he needs to fork up $5 to buy back the share, and then return the share back to the lender + any interest accrued. In this scenario, the “short” lost money, the “long” gained money, and the “lender” made interest money.
- Scenario 2: Stock value decreases to $5. Person C is now down $5 and he sells to cut losses. Person B needs to buy back that share at $5, but he already has $10 in profit initially. Now he pays $5 for the share, leaving him still with $5 profit, and returns the share back to the lender + any interested accrued. In this scenario, the “short” made money, the “long” lost money, and the “lender” made interest money.
The above scenarios help to show why “shorts” (typically hedge funds or experienced traders) might want to manipulate the stock price to go down. Hedge funds have an incredible amount of power in the market, which I will explain in a bit, and can often create serious price movements to invoke price action that benefits themselves. Shorts, therefore, have the opposite intention of longs. They want share prices to go down, and in the process, can bankrupt certain companies that rely on the stock market liquidity to stay afloat. In other words, when investors leave a stock because it is dropping in value, the company loses that money that they could have used to pay off debt, grow the business, develop new products, pay for expenses, etc.

Market Manipulation:
Market manipulation is not new to the scene. Investors have long known of the existence of stock market manipulation tactics, and every day, we may observe some levels of manipulation in specific stocks, specific categories or industries of stocks, or the entire market. Market manipulation is defined as any actions performed with the intention of moving a certain stock price in favor of the manipulator. In this case, these are the wealthy “whales” or hedge funds, both of which have enormous capital capable of shifting stock prices at alarming speeds. Keep in mind, not all hedge funds do this and not all hedge funds are “shorts”. Some are “neutral” and act as lenders to make money, some are “growth-based” and invest just like everyday traders with the intention of raising share prices, and others are “short” which are probably perceived to be the sadistic groups of the bunch. Below, I will be discussing how manipulation occurs and on different scales.
Manipulation Tactics on a Spectrum:
Market manipulation can happen in certain stock, sectors, or the entire market. There are probably far more types of manipulative tactics than we know, but I will describe the most basic types and the strategies behind it.
Scenario 1:
Let’s say a hedge fund just opened a short position on stock X. Stock X is rising in value because general investors see it as a potential growth stock. Hedge funds are not too excited about this increased share value, so they can “hedge” or protect themselves, by selling put options. When they sell puts, they are anticipating that the stock will continue to surge, which causes the puts to become worthless at expiration, but on the contrary, they will be collecting the “premium” or money paid upfront by traders that bought the put. At the same time, this hedge fund will slowly “cover”, or buy shares of Stock X, so that the increased value of the shares will offset the short position which is losing money. The manipulation here is by using the sheer amount of capital in hand to bolster the stock, both creating favorable conditions for the puts that they sold and the share that they purchased as cover. If they want to add another level of manipulation to this, they can also purchase call options, which will result in profit if the stock price goes up. In this scenario, hedge funds make money at the expense of put option buyers and other shorts that do not have manipulative power or capital to recreate this same strategy.
Scenario 2:
Let’s say a hedge fund just opened a short position on Stock X. Stock X is rising in value because general investors see it as a potential growth stock. This hedge fund does not want to risk extra capital to cover their short position (by buying shares, selling put options, or buying call options), so they try a different route. Keep in mind that hedge funds are typically heavily invested in many stocks and assets, meaning they have a lot of power in deciding the direction of many stocks that have potential to instill widespread fear across the entire market if it drops. Take for example, if Apple and Google began to hurl downwards, this can create panic in the market where everyday traders might sell their shares at a loss. This in turn might ripple through the market as other investors in other stocks are predicting a downward trajectory across the market since these big name stocks are losing value so rapidly. Conveniently enough, hedge funds own a lot of these big name “FANG” stocks.
If I am a moderately sadistic hedge fund, I can sell off a large holding of shares (in the scale of multi millions or billions) that are in the same sector as Stock X, which would incite fear across the sector, creating panic sell offs. The price will drop sharply across the board, including Stock X, and the short position will produce big profits. Because this hedge fund sold off a large chunk of their shares at a good price, they can now cover their short position (essentially getting rid of it), and then buy up these same stocks that were let go earlier, only this time at a much cheaper price. The hedge fund has now made money not only on the short position, but now they got into the stock at a cheap price in which they can explore other manipulative tactics to bolster the price again. This can be done by encouraging analyst upgrades, publicizing “newly” purchased positions without disclosing the fact that they previously owned it, etc.
Scenario 3:
This one involves technology: algorithm trading (commonly referred to as algo trading). This one is a really intricately designed manipulative tactic that investors really have no way of getting around. Algorithm trading is the process of using high-speed super-computers and a team of traders to constantly monitor market activity and trade when opportunities arise. In this case, the hedge funds do not have to do any direct manipulation of the market, which makes this 100% legal. How this works is by taking advantage of how trading works and the time it takes for a trade to be made. For you general investors, we have mobile apps and web-based trading platforms to trade. When we like a stock, we have to go through the motion of inputting the stock ticker symbol, the amount of shares, the price we are willing to pay, hit submit, and confirm the trade. For hedge funds using algorithm trading, all this is done autonomously, which makes submission of an order several magnitudes quicker. When an order is submitted, it goes through a brokerage (Fidelity, Webull, ETrade, TDA, RH, etc.) and the data is rerouted to a clearing house (intermediate party that verifies and processes the trade). Clearing houses are responsible for making sure your orders are filled, but they take it on a first come first serve basis. So if a stock is moving quickly, hedge funds have a serious edge in getting in cheaper and faster as well as getting out higher and faster.
Algorithm trading is integratable as part of the buying and selling strategies mentioned in the two previous scenarios, which is why they can almost guarantee profit. Algorithm trading also uses a lot of data in their backbone to determine the trades that have a high chance of profitability, and it acts on various factors such as volatility, volume, interest activity, news, etc. In some cases, these algorithms can be set to do some extremely sadistic things. I’ll start by talking about “market orders” vs “limit orders”. Before you make a trade on your brokerage, you will notice an option that says “market order” or “limit order”. Market orders are an agreement that you will purchase the stock or option contract at the best price in the market in the momentary space in time. There is of course a huge risk to that because in that short moment in time, there may not be anyone selling at a good price, and instead, some people might set sell limits at ridiculous prices. For example, some people set a sell limit at $1000 for GME. If you did a market order, and you get really unlucky, you might end up snagging a share for $1000 each, when the actual share value might be $300. However, when you set a “limit order”, you are agreeing to buy a share at a maximum price that you designated.
In the event that a hedge fund siphons a ton of shares of a company, the algorithm can be set to sell these shares at a ridiculous sell limit. Remember, when they buy or sell, it’s processed significantly faster at the clearing houses, so if you’re that one unlucky trader that went for a market order on a stock, you might end up purchasing it at a huge premium set by the hedge funds themselves. Moral of the story: DO NOT PURCHASE AS MARKET ORDER - ALWAYS PURCHASE AT LIMIT ORDER.
I’m am not a financial advisor, so take everything I said as gibberish.

Inside the mind of a hedge fund executive...

Imagine you’re a hedge fund CEO or senior executive.
You’ve always had an inflated ego, and going to Wharton for an MBA definitely didn’t help in that regard. You interned at GS for the summer of 2003 and told all your friends about it, probably even brought it up oh so casually on dates. When you were hired as a trader by a moderately good to great fund, you probably lost a good deal of friends from your previous life, because they “just don’t get you now.” You’re in a different league than them, even your classmates that now work at lesser funds. You act friendly, liking Facebook posts, returning their calls, but there’s a nagging feeling that they’re holding you back. That you’ve made it, and you don’t need some loser that doesn’t even work on the East Coast.
Jump ahead a few years
It’s September 20th, 2008. Bear Stearns closed months earlier, Lehman went bankrupt a few days ago. "Buddies" of yours from both funds have been texting you, some you know from college. Maybe you’ll take pity on them and put in a good word, maybe you’ll tell them nothing’s available right now and that you’re sorry. You don’t tell them you were part of your fund's effort to short sell theirs into oblivion. Maybe you really are sorry though. What you’re more sorry about, however, is that your bonuses are probably going to be shit for a few years. They could even dip into five figures, god forbid. Your thoughts are of course directed to the millions of people losing their jobs across the country by the news, but inevitably your bonus reduction resurfaces as your biggest concern. “It’s not like I can do anything,” you say, after downing some wine. You go to sleep fairly easily, while across the country, innumerable people are forced to contemplate moving.
Let’s jump ahead a few more years
It’s mid-March, 2020. At this point, its become evident that COVID-19 is going to ravage the world, in some capacity (not gonna put politics into this because that’s not the point). As either a CEO or senior executive at a mid-range hedge fund, your thoughts gravitate towards your craft. It’s clear the market is going to tank, so you do what you do best. You short the shit out of several clearly sinking industries (https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/31/investing/short-sellers-market-coronavirus/index.html). But you don't stop there. You go on CNBC, Fox Business, maybe even the BBC, and announce doom and gloom. Doing this will get people to dump their stocks, meaning your shorts print even more money. Oh well, if there’s a positive to be gained from this whole thing it’s your fund making good money, right? By late March or early April, your wife convinces you that going with the kids to the Hampton’s would be the best choice, since the upper east side is getting a little claustrophobic. You’ll need to cancel your two week St. Barts vacation, what a bummer. You rent out a nice beach house in Sag Harbor for 125k a month, managing to beat out the other bidder by upping them by 10k. Once again, millions of people are losing their jobs, and you’re shorting the companies they work for. What else should you do?
Only a few months forward this time
It’s October. Weeks turned into months, and while you’ve started getting back to the city more and more, you’re still staying in Sag. Sometimes you have family friends over for an ostensibly socially distanced wine + cigar. You don’t think much of the events of the summer, aside from that one tweet you had PR send out in July. Your kids might have thoughts, you haven’t asked.
Just a few more months, I promise
It’s January. For really no other reason than the prospect of making more money, you along with a few other funds have decided to open naked shorts on GameStop. While technically not allowed, there are loopholes. Why would the loopholes be there, if not to be exploited, right? Not like you don’t do the same thing with your taxes.
Then, the unthinkable happens
A bunch of retail investors, led by a specific part of Reddit, decide to fuck your position by dramatically raising the share price. Since you firmly believe these people incapable of sticking to such an audacious play, you do nothing. Before long though, you start to become slightly unnerved by how steady the growth of the stock is. It's approaching $100, and you're losing hundreds of thousands to millions every day on short interest. So, you decide to take action. You get on CNBC, and cry about fundamentals. About volatility crushing these people. They don't listen, and keep buying. A week passes with you and your rich friends trying various strategies, none of it working. You're aware of another fund leaning on a popular trading app to force them into not accepting buy orders for GME, amongst others. You're not above sacrificing pride for money, so you announce your fund has closed its shorts. You're lying, of course. What kind of looks what you get at future parties if you cowed to these people? No, fuck that. You've read all the right books, been to the right schools, made the right friends, networked at the right parties and functions. You will not close, everything in your life has conditioned you not to. In fact, you'll double down. You go on CNBC some more. Artificially lower the stock price by trading between a few other funds. None of it's working, and you're intensely aware of another potential gamma squeeze on Friday. Restrictions on buying help during the day, but after hours, the stock jumps. That momentum carries it into a solid Friday. You won't budge, but at this point you're losing millions of dollars a day.
So, here we are
These people do not care about you. You're the least of their concerns, actually. They care about money and fund image, in that order. We have a real chance to make guys exactly like this hurt where it counts (for them), and I want people to understand that. I'm not saying throw your rent into GME. I'm saying you have the chance to really be a part of something, to screw the people that have been doing the screwing for your whole life. The house has been running a fixed casino, and you have the chance to hit back.
Do not close. We have them, and they know it. We're winning, and if we keep winning they will give in.

Album Of The Year #15: Joji - Nectar

Artist: Joji
Album: Nectar
Label: 88Rising
Release Date: September 25, 2020
Listen:
Spotify
Apple Music
YouTube Music
Deezer
Soundcloud
Background
Not many artists have had a come-up as interesting and eccentric as George Kusunoki Miller, a former YouTube comedian/edgelord turned moody R&B singer. George first got his taste of internet fame as FilthyFrank, a character he described as everything a person should not be, he played the notorious persona on YouTube for over 6 years and eventually had to retire it due to him losing passion for it and suffering from stress induced seizures, which playing the character often caused.
Throughout his time as FilthyFrank however he began experimenting with music, mostly of the satirical kind at the start, his first tracks were under the FilthyFrank persona, the first one being Who's The Sucker, a dumb track where he somehow manages to rhyme "nicer" with "vagina", go figure.
A few years later, alongside the satirical rap, Joji began to make what he would consider as serious music, and this is where the timeline gets a bit messy, as he put out multiple tracks under multiple different aliases and the lines got blurred pretty fast, so I won't focus on aliases too much, but rather on the music he put out, around this era he released the therapeutical Medicine, the slow and melancholy We Fall Again, and Dumplings, which was Joji's best attempt at a trap banger.
In 2015, he birthed the Joji alias, released two singles on Soundcloud under that name, and announced a project called Chloe Burbank Vol. 1, the project was later scrapped and is probably sitting on Joji's hard drive, unfinished, however, the two singles he put out, thom and you suck charlie, were the tracks that put him in the spotlight, not to mention that to this day, there are some of his fans that believe these 2 tracks are his best and will not be topped, but that's a discussion for another day.
Following the overwhelmingly positive reception, Joji began to put out more tracks and singles, both under the aforementioned alias and Pink Guy, which was a character that blossomed into a satirical rap project, but I won't be covering that too much, and will focus on what he did as Joji instead, most tracks Joji put out were met with positive reception, some of the tracks, such as worldstar money, ended up on his debut EP as well.
Sometime around early 2016, Joji ended up signing with 88rising, a label focused on building the bridge between east and west, he explained in an interview that he was initially a consultant for the duo behind the record label, however, once the duo noticed his music and how well it was received, they asked him to jump on board and he instantly took the chance, getting signed alongside the likes of Rich Brian and Higher Brothers.
The label immediately undertook Joji and began distributing his catalog on their YouTube channel and helped him release more music, which was a couple of singles in the earlier half of 2017, and his debut EP in the latter half, the EP, known as "In Tongues", was met with mixed reception from fans and critics alike, with some describing it as his most concise body of work so far that is oozing potential, and others describing it as a bleak project that fails to set Joji apart from the sea of artists on the same wavelength as himself.
Following the release of the EP, Joji began working on his debut album, known as BALLADS 1, the album's first single, YEAH RIGHT, was released on the 8th of May, the track was first believed to be a standalone loosie as it was released 5 months before the album itself, however it ended up being on the album and was confirmed as the one of the singles alongside SLOW DANCING IN THE DARK, CAN'T GET OVER YOU, which features a production credit from non other than Clams Casino, and TEST DRIVE.
The album was well received, and was praised for containing a wider variety of sounds than its predecessor, it felt like a natural progression for Joji's sound and was a step forward towards a more mainstream approach whilst not sacrificing any of the rawness that Joji's older stuff had, which seemed to be what most fans were expecting from him.
Moving forward Joji stayed mostly silent throughout 2019, appearing on the second 88Rising collaboration album, which was negatively received due to it's lack of creativity and sub-par performances from most label signees, he also appeared on Rich Brian's sophomore album, The Sailor, and released which is now known to be as the first single from Nectar, Sanctuary, a synth based poppy track that previewed a vocally improved and more confident version of Joji.
What was assumed to be a loosie turned out to be the beginning of an album rollout, as half a year later Joji released Run, setting a new standard for himself both instrumentally and vocally, and a couple of months later he released Gimme Love, a double sided track with a fun, catchy beginning and a melancholy ballad driven ending, the last single, Daylight, was released on the 8th of August, the instrumental was produced by Diplo and the track itself sounded like Joji's attempt to break into the mainstream.
Without warning, he also released two tracks that he classified as "NOT SONG", the first being Pretty Boy, which actually ended up on the album with a Lil Yachty feature, and the second being FTC, which sadly did not end up on the album, both tracks had videos and it seemed to me at first that the purpose of both tracks was to serve the lore that Joji has built around the album, which I will be touching up on in this write-up.
A day before the album's release, he put out Gimme Cum, an enigmatic track with a mysterious message.
Nectar itself was pushed back from it's original July release date due to the pandemic and Black Lives Matter protests, the album however was released on the 25th of September.
Album Lore
If there's one thing George is no stranger to, it would definitely be worldbuilding, as he has proven time and time again that he has a knack for it, especially with his FilthyFrank YouTube channel, where he managed to create characters, locations, and an entire universe out of a few satirical characters, his lore was adored by many and even though visually he never wrapped up the story he did release a book that served as closure for the FilthyFrank lore.
This album's lore is not as straight forward however, and there are multiple theories doing the rounds on the internet, personally I will go by what sounded most convincing to me in terms of timeline and storyline, however do feel free to expand on what I've said or correct me, George has left multiple things left open to interpretation therefore I would not be surprised if there were multiple different meanings to the same thing.
Our story begins in the music video for Gimme Love, where we see a young Joji who appears to be a small time engineer that is eager to climb through the ranks of the company he is working for, as he rises however he appears to become more stressed out and agitated at all times, lashing out at his coworkers and breaking down consistently, throughout the music video we can see that the more he progresses, the more roadblocks he runs into, which causes his behavior to become more psychotic and manic, as the shots move forward we see him accept awards, lead his very own research team, run failed experiments on his coworkers that causes them to bleed, and eventually receive military covert status, which did not come without sacrifices, as we see him smile less and less throughout the video.
In the second half of the video, we see Joji steal the rocket he helped build by locking out his crew members, and launch himself into space, disappointing everyone he worked with and stabbing them in the back he appears to be quite happy however, eventually his mood flips as he is faced with two choices, engage or eject, the following shot does not allow us to see which one he picked as we are facing his back, all we see is Joji making the choice and gearing up for what's to come.
The lines get blurred around this spot and many people have different theories as to which video is the right one chronologically, personally I believe Daylight comes next, and my theory is Joji is having some sort of fever dream featuring his previous coworkers, most notably the older people who went through layers of plastic surgery, who appear in the music video for FTC, where they are seen wearing badges that features the same organization Joji worked for, throughout the video they are seen rummaging through the wreckage caused by Joji, clearly looking for something specific, which ends up being the award Joji won.
Back to Daylight, Joji appears to be some sort of intern working for the director and the actors, towards the end of the music video we can see Joji waking up from the aforementioned fever dream, clearly in a daze, as the shot widens we see that he is alone, in a barren wasteland, with nothing around him except for a tent and what appears to be a device used for communication, he plants a few seeds in the soil and sits by the device, hoping for a sign of life.
Next comes Run, where we are once again met with Joji having a nightmare, the entire video symbolizes being trapped in a place you don't want to be in, as Joji appears to be in a never ending limousine with people he has no interest in whatsoever, towards the end of the nightmare we actually see Joji running across a massive wasteland, the same wasteland we saw him in at the end of the Daylight music video, throughout the video, we see Joji become consumed by the soil itself, which I would assume is a representation of his fears back then, seeing as he was alone and had little to no hope of being saved whatsoever.
Joji wakes up from this nightmare and appears to be in some kind of spaceship, if the videos were released chronologically, we would be completely lost at this point, lucky for us, we already know what the spaceship is, as we see a picture of the Sanctuary crew in the final shots of the Run music video, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that the crew is the ones that saved him from death and picked him up from the mess that he placed himself in, hence the name Sanctuary, which means refuge or safety from pursuit, persecution, or other danger
The crew itself is seen in action in the music video for Sanctuary, where Joji appears to be fighting and defeating some sort of one-eyed alien supervillain at the start, however, once he is defeated, both Joji and the crew themselves become aimless, as they are living monotonously without a goal, thankfully(???), one of the crew members sees this and decides to take matters into his own hands, by surgically removing his own eye, which portrays his transformation into the new supervillain, and following this up by killing a crewmember and escaping on his own, once again giving the spaceship it's own purpose.
Unfortunately the music videos that were put out after the release of the album appear to be too subtle for me to think they are connected in any way, shape or form, there are many theories of course but I can't help but feel like that most of them are a reach.
The most plausible explanation for this lore that I can think of is that the whole escaping from earth on his own, landing in a barren wasteland, trying to plant seeds in it, and eventually being picked up by a group(88Rising, wink wink) is a metaphor for his transition from FilthyFrank to Joji, the barren wasteland stands for how hopeless he felt at the time and the seeds symbolize the loosies he was slowly dropping before ditching his channel to become an R&B superstar, which if true, solidifies the idea that George was done with FilthyFrank long before he actually left the channel itself.
Regardless, I thought the lore was very enjoyable and it was nice to see Joji back in one of his elements at least, most fans would have been disappointed in me if I had not touched up on it a bit seeing as it was a huge part of the albums release and they are intertwined in some sort of way.
Review

When it's lovely I believe in anything What does love mean When the end is rolling in

It is important for me to preface this review with the fact that this Joji album is not like anything we've ever heard from him before, this is not the one man army, garageband using, sample meshing Joji that we knew in the past, this is Joji with an entire team behind his artistic vision, a whole group of people working with him to help him push his sound to the next level, and unfortunately, while the quality of the music has clearly went up, when so many people have their own input on something eventually the lines get blurred and the album loses its artistic direction and cohesion, which is one of my only complaints with this album, and I'm glad I got it out of the way first.
Artistic direction and cohesion aside, this album contains some of Joji's highest highs to date, especially the singles, that's not to say that there aren't some deep cuts on here that shine as well, but once you listen to the album in it's entirety you quickly understand why the singles were chosen as singles, especially when you consider how sonically different they are from the non-singles.
Sanctuary, the album's first single, is a sweet, poppy and synthy track that features a high pitched and melodic Joji, some of the track's lyrics are somewhat abstract but they are quite visually descriptive and that's always a plus in my book, the instrumental itself is quite spacey and has a nice retro vibe to it, already a huge step forward from what we've already heard from George, the track's climax reaches towards the end and gives us a beautiful bridge,with Joji crooning about wanting to be held by a significant other.

I fell for your magic, I tasted your skin And though this is tragic, at least I found the end I witnessed your madness, you shed light on my sins And if we share in this sadness, then where have you been?

Run is one of the more cinematic cuts on this album, the track is truly a double edged sword because although it's one of Joji's best, it has set an extremely high standard for both Joji and the album, leaving fans such as myself worried about whether or not he will ever reach a similar high, the production is clean, Joji's vocal lines are as dynamic as ever, the guitar melody is infectious, the lyrics are better than anything Joji has ever written and he is putting his heart and soul into every word, the electric guitar solo at the end is also something worth mentioning, which sits perfectly right in front of Joji's distant and wide vocals, ending the track on a strong note.

Look into your heart and let me know Do things turn black and gray as they go? When I'm far too gone, can you show me love? Give me love

Gimme Love

The lyrics above come from the album's third single, a 2 sided track that starts as a bouncy, percussive, fast paced, and catchy song, with Joji chanting and pleading to be given love, softly singing about being surrounded by apathetic people, after the second chorus the entire song comes to a halt in order to make room for a mellow guitar and Joji's harmonies, which are absolutely stunning if I may add, the track, much like many other tracks on here, ends on a cinematic strong note with a string section and a grandiose piano.
The final single, Daylight, is no doubt unexplored territory for Joji, the instrumental, which was produced by Diplo, starts off slow and minimalistic, with a simple yet groovy bassline, and reaches its apex on the chorus, when it suddenly becomes extremely lush, heavy, and thick, the track is most definitely a solid attempt at modern day and mainstream pop music, clearly made with the intention of receiving radio play.
All of the singles show up in the first leg of the album, which is absolutely phenomenal, the opener track, Ew, starts off light and easy, with a somber and distant arpeggiated piano backed with Joji's soft vocals, who's singing about heartbreak and the loss of many relationships, sounding as bitter as ever lyrically, the chorus includes a grand string section and a chord progression that is fully panned to the right and sitting all the way behind the mix, and surprise surprise, the track itself ends on a cinematic strong note, much like many of the other tracks on here.

I've got no aim, a million rounds, is nothing real? A hundred pounds of heavy steel, it feels so loud Tied to my chest, it feels so loud I'll take a peek to across the peaks This grass is neat and I'm quite unique But I'd like to be, but I'd like to be

MODUS

Up next comes MODUS, a moody track that has an intro similar to the opener track but later on has Joji melodic rapping to a murky trap instrumental, with Joji of course sounding better than ever, lyrically speaking, many of the themes on this album are similar, Joji is mostly singing about relationships, heartbreak, and the need for a significant other, the lyrics themselves give the album a nocturnal, bitter, hopeless vibe, which is what we've come to expect from Joji's music nowadays.
The third track, Tick Tock, is a plucky banger of an instrumental that has Joji rapping over it with pitched up vocals on the chorus which is something that's a little bit reminiscent of his older, more amateur work, the vocal layering on the verse is also something worth mentioning, really showcases Joji's dynamic range and how much he improved as a whole, the track is nothing groundbreaking in terms of what we've heard so far and remains lowkey for the most part but is without a doubt one of my favorites on this project.

On Nectar, one of the yet-to-be-announced tracks was produced when the artist was only sixteen years old. “I’m excited to see if it sticks out or not to the listeners.” he reveals.

Joji Interview with Schön! Magazine.

While not officially announced by Joji himself, it is safe to say that Upgrade is the aforementioned track, a small interlude that seats itself in the earlier part of the album, the track starts with a grandiose piano, which is quite unnecessary if you ask me, because once we have it out of the way all we get is a very obviously barebones instrumental made from a different time, the telltale sign being non other than the ukulele that we have seen in George's earlier work.
It upsets me that Joji has not made this fact much more known because this track has been consistently the subject of criticism by critics and fans alike, but at the same time I understand, because at the end of the day George left that track in there for the die hard fans, not the critics.
Up until this point there is no doubt that Joji has played it safe, sure the album is much more grand and cinematic than its predecessor, but there's no denying that the signature sound is still there, we still get the hazy and moody slow bangers, if Nectar was only the first half then Joji might have had a strong album in his catalog, maybe even a classic, but I understand him wanting to expand and experiment with other sounds in order to grow as an artist.
The midsection gets a little bit tricky, as Joji begins to get out of his comfort zone and the album features start appearing, to me it sounds like Joji did not know how he could keep the listener interested in the second half of this album and decided to opt in for a bunch of features as a quick fix, some work out fine, some better than others.

Handsome young man, never pull up on time Lookin' in the mirror, lookin' good should be a crime, crime All this pain I'll never let show (No) My real thoughts, you'll never know (No)

Lil Yachty on Pretty Boy

I never really listened to Lil Yachty that much aside from the obvious hits he had over the course of his career, but he clearly shined on this track as the feature, for starters, the track is very light-hearted, definitely one of the more lofi tracks on this album, the highlight for me without a doubt is the bridge, which sounds like something straight out of Pink Season, George was clearly having genuine fun with it, some even speculate that most of the bridge was made using samples from his earlier work as Pink Guy.
High Hopes, which features Omar Apollo, is one of the more lowkey cuts in here as well, the percussion on the instrumental and the detuned guitar on here remind me of some of Joji's stuff from BALLADS 1, unfortunately however the track doesn't stand out much, at least not as much as Afterthought with BENEE, another track where Joji's melodies and vocals shine through once again, and BENEE's feature definitely adds some character to the track, at least enough to the point where the feature made some sense
On Normal People, Joji recruits childhood friend rei brown, in an attempt to capture lightning again after their first collaboration, Once In A While. Unfortunately lightning didn't strike twice here for me and the track felt quite lackluster and uninteresting, especially for such an anticipated track and when compared to their first song, many of the tracks and collaborations on the second part of the album really felt like Joji just trying to recapture the magic of his earlier work, and while some of those attempts did work at the end of the day it does feel like a cheap cop out.

Oh, understand, girl, I'm out of sight To the other side, I don't want no stripes Got my insides loud like motorcycles Girl, don't notice it, I don't notice it

NITROUS

Another example of Joji attempting to recapture magic is NITROUS, which marks Joji's second time collaborating with Clams Casino, the track is very reminiscent of their first track together, both Joji and Clams Casino however killed it, the track's instrumental is very murky and nocturnal, much alike most of the album, but that doesn't stop Joji's delivery, which is very fun-loving and upbeat.

By the way you move, I know you want me to Tell you all the rules, I know I'm searching too Give me all your clues and things to guide me through The end of the world, the end of the world

Mr. Hollywood

Produced by the one and only Kenneth Instrumentals, Mr. Hollywood is one of the more heartfelt and personal tracks on this album, Joji is singing about his evergrowing popularity and how it will never affect what is important for him, which in this case is the girl he's singing about, like many other tracks on this album, you will often hear something that will remind you of Joji's older work, in this case it is the ad-libs on the chorus, which are very reminiscent of his ad-libs on BESIDJU, regardless the song has at least a bit of substance which makes it one of the more commendable tracks.
The final run of this album is where Joji flips the script here, there are a few tracks that have questionable artistic decisions, such as Reanimator, with non other than Yves Tumor, the track serves as an instrumental interlude before the final two tracks, however with a feature such as Yves Tumor I honestly expected much more than what we got, and what we got is basically a 3 minute track, with the first minute and a half being nothing than a drone-y, synthy instrumental, and the second half being quite a lackluster performance by Joji and his guest, much like some of the other tracks on the album, it seems like it received a similar treatment, where the track was initially unfinished and still half-baked, and rather than attempting to finish the track they opted for an easy way out, which in this case was making more than half of the track an instrumental and then calling it an interlude just to be safe.

"that weeknd synthpop track sure is doing huge numbers, maybe i should also make a synthpop track as well"

Joji, probably.

I would be down to argue that if Blinding Lights by The Weeknd had not existed, 777 wouldn't have existed either, Joji's constant attempts at breaking into the mainstream and commercializing his sound have always left a bad taste in my mouth as it felt like it came from a place where authenticity is lacking, nevertheless I find it bizarre to make a track that is very similar to one of the most successful tracks of the year and not attempt to push it at all, that's not to say that 777 on it's own is not a good track, however there's no denying that the sound selection on the instrumental, some of the flows, and the chorus itself hold blaring similarities to The Weeknd's track, I understand why he would make such a track however and find it admirable at the very least.
Thankfully, the album ends on a strong note, the final two tracks are both beautiful even though they're worlds apart, Like You Do, is a quintessential love ballad from Joji, a stripped down instrumental with beautiful piano chords and a laid back vibe, Joji is singing about his current partner and how what they have might not work out, even though he feels like they're perfect for one another, the closing track, Your Man is a massive change in tempo, with an upbeat, electronic, deep house-esque instrumental, we hear a Joji that is optimistic, which is a nice change of pace, especially considering how bitter most of his albums and projects have been up to date.

Since I met you All the gloomy days just seem to shine a little more brightly Consider what we've got 'Cause I can never take you for granted

Like You Do

Conclusion
There's no denying that some tracks on here sound like a bastardized version of Joji's signature sound. Joji is trying his best to commercialize his sound without sacrificing the rawer elements of it, which unfortunately results in a jumble of sounds. This album is not free of criticisms as there are many issues in here that need to be worked on, it's much less cohesive than its predecessor and at times sounds like a bunch of rough ideas put together in order to create the world's most average musical equivalent of a photo collage, but if we were to just set all of that aside and just look at this album for what it is, then there's definitely something in here for everyone. George might have not made a classic, and he certainly hasn't found his sound yet, but this album is an indicator that he's on to something, and once again I am already anxious to hear what he has in store next.
Talking Points

What did you think of this album? Is it a good follow-up to BALLADS 1?
Do you think Joji works better alone or when he has a team behind him?
Do you think Joji will yet again set another high standard for himself next project?
What are your predictions for Joji's sound in the future?
Now that he's more keen on having features, who do you think would compliment Joji's sound the most?
Favorite tracks?

New investors read this and thank me later.

FOR EVERYONE NEW TO INVESTING: A COMPREHENSIVE BREAKDOWN OF TRADING AND MANIPULATION STRATEGIES!

Mods please pin this as a resource!
Current Conditions of the Market:
Let me be clear: this is not the typical conditions of the market where stocks fluctuate double and triple digit percentages per day. There’s a place for that - the casino. In recent weeks, herds of new traders are pouring into the trading scene hoping to get a piece of the volatile market that has turned the rags to riches, or the other way around. The stock market as a whole, under normal conditions, moves gradually in both directions, guided by trends, innovation, speculation, earnings report, and financial changes. What we are in right now is a hysteria-filled environment that is risky for both veteran traders and novices. Any uninformed, reckless decision can produce different results - by chance. Be wise and do not let chance underlie your success or bankruptcy stories. Please do your research first before investing into anything and whatever you do, do not make the mistake of over-extending yourself with margin (brokerage-provided capital) that you cannot repay should things go south. People have and continue to make this fundamental mistake that will ruin them financially for years. Stock investments should be about long-term growth, stability, and supplemental to your income. Investments should give you access to the opportunity of financial freedom, but should not be your primary source for income. Do not listen to stock gurus and paid-only discord groups - they don’t make money from stocks, they make money from you. Lastly, this atypical market condition is the perfect storm for spontaneous “pump and dumps” where stocks become inflated, and based on fool’s theory or musical chairs (whichever you prefer), the last one that gets out gets burned. Be smart, be patient, do the research.
Basic Stock Jargons & Short/Long Positions:
Long - you’re buying and holding a stock with the intention for it to increase in value.
Short - you’re borrowing shares from a lender (brokerage, investment firm, individual investors), selling it to someone, and hoping to buy it back at a lower price. Your profit is the difference in the sell and buy back price. I’ll provide a real world example because this concept it a bit more complex:

Person A is a share lender. They want to lend the share and get paid a small interest rate as compensation.
Person B asks Person A to lend him that share temporarily. Person B does not pay anything upfront, but he promises to pay Person A in the form of interest over time.
Person B finds a buyer Person C. Person C wants to buy a stock so it can go up. Person C is “long” on this stock. Person B, however, is short on this stock because he wants the value of the stock to go down.
Person C pays Person B $10 for the stock. Now, Person C has spent $10, and Person B has gained $10.
Two hypothetical situation happens now:
- Scenario 1: Stock value increases to $15. Person C is now up $5 and he sells because he’s making nice gains. Person B needs to buy back that share at $15, but he only gained $10 profit initially. Now he needs to fork up $5 to buy back the share, and then return the share back to the lender + any interest accrued. In this scenario, the “short” lost money, the “long” gained money, and the “lender” made interest money.
- Scenario 2: Stock value decreases to $5. Person C is now down $5 and he sells to cut losses. Person B needs to buy back that share at $5, but he already has $10 in profit initially. Now he pays $5 for the share, leaving him still with $5 profit, and returns the share back to the lender + any interested accrued. In this scenario, the “short” made money, the “long” gained money, and the “lender” made interest money.
The above scenarios help to show why “shorts” (typically hedge funds or experienced traders) might want to manipulate the stock price to go down. Hedge funds have an incredible amount of power in the market, which I will explain in a bit, and can often create serious price movements to invoke price action that benefits themselves. Shorts, therefore, have the opposite intention of longs. They want share prices to go down, and in the process, can bankrupt certain companies that rely on the stock market liquidity to stay afloat. In other words, when investors leave a stock because it is dropping in value, the company loses that money that they could have used to pay off debt, grow the business, develop new products, pay for expenses, etc.

Wall Street short-sellers got what they deserve in GameStop squeeze - Gamblers lost billions - by (r/Socialist_) 29 Jan 2021

hat’s happening on Wall Street?
Investors have been rushing into the nearly bankrupt strip mall video game retailer GameStop faster than shoppers hoping to score a PlayStation5 at a Black Friday door-crashers sale. Suddenly, the company is valued more than big box tech behemoth Best Buy. Its shares are trading at a volume surpassing even the biggest stock of them all, Apple.
If you think it’s because GameStop suddenly re-invented the video game wheel, the answer is no. In fact, other than the hiring of a new CEO, not much at the company has changed since last year when a share of GameStop stock could be had for as little as $5. But at their peak (as of this writing) on the morning of Thursday, Jan. 28, the company’s shares hit $500 in premarket trading. Cumulatively, GameStop stock has skyrocketed 1,200% in the recent period.
With game enthusiasts embracing streaming subscriptions and turning away from plastic cartridges, many analysts have been predicting GameStop will soon be going the way of Blockbuster—another modern incarnation of video killing the radio star. So if GameStop did little, if anything, to turn around its sagging fortunes, why are its shares in such high demand?
The only thing that changed is that Wall Street powerhouse hedge funds and short-sellers have lost their monopoly on gaming the stock market casino.
The meteoric rise in GameStop shares—and to a lesser extent those of other troubled companies, like Bed Bath & Beyond, Blackberry, movie house AMC, and even candy maker Tootsie Roll—is being driven by the actions of a group of what the Wall Street professionals call dangerous amateurs.
Coordinating with each other on a section of the online platform Reddit called WallStreetBets, a huge number of relatively small-time investors (around 2.2 million of them by the most recent count) have teamed up to take on the big guys in a battle that has all the trappings of a Robin Hood tale.
The “short” in a nutshell
To understand the game plan of the WallStreetBets crowd, it’s necessary to know some of the lingo of Wall Street gambling—especially the concept of the “short.”
A short is when an investor essentially “borrows” a company’s stock from a broker. The investor then takes that borrowed stock and sells it on the market. The hope of the “short seller” is that the value of that company’s stock will drop before they are due to return their borrowed shares, allowing them to re-buy the stock at a cheaper price and return it to the broker—pocketing the difference as a profit.
In essence, they are placing a bet against a company’s future. They believe the company is worth less than the market is valuing it at, and when that reality sets in among others, then they will get to cash in on their foresight.
As an example, a short-seller may borrow a share of Company A and sell it for the current market price of $100. They do so because they believe Company A isn’t really worth $100 per share and eventually the price will drop. If they are right, and the price of Company A shares sink to $60, then the short-seller will re-buy the share at the new price and return it to the broker (called “covering the short”). The $40 difference is their profit.
If they are wrong, however, and Company A’s shares go up, then they will lose out on their bad bet. Let’s say that Company A shares go from $100 to $120. When the short-seller’s stock loan comes due, they have to buy a share at whatever the current price is and return it to the broker. Their loss in this case would be $20. But what if the price of Company A shares go even higher, to $150, $200, or $500?
In a regular stock transaction, when a person actually buys a share (as opposed to borrowing it like a short-seller does), their potential loss is capped at whatever they paid. You can’t lose more than you put in. But for a short-seller, the potential loss is actually endless. When the due date comes for their borrowed shares, they have to pay whatever it takes to cover their short.
Gambling against GameStop
Now, back to the real world and the GameStop situation.
A number of weeks ago, the “amateur” investors on WallStreetBets started focusing their attention on the huge hedge funds with massive short bets against GameStop. They targeted outfits like Melvin Capital and Citron Research that had taken short positions in GameStop and then spent months talking about how bad the company was (an intentional effort to drive down its share price).
The gambling against GameStop had gotten so extreme that there were over 71 million borrowed short shares out there, even though the company has only 69 million shares—short-sellers were “borrowing” stock that didn’t even exist! These Wall Street titans became the villains for the Reddit Robin Hoods. (Appropriately, Robinhood is the name of a popular trading app used by many of the so-called untraditional investors.)
WallStreetBets members fantasized about how great it would be to make these short-sellers scream by driving up the price of GameStop. Some believed that GameStop really had a chance to turn around and was being unfairly punished by the short-sellers; for others, it was simply the joy that would come from sticking it to the hedge funds.
They’d done it before, on a smaller scale, with other shorted companies. If they got together again and acted in unison with their dollars, they could inflict some real pain on Melvin and Citron.
Putting the squeeze on the short sellers
Within days, WallStreetBets (and others who followed in their wake) engineered what’s called a “short squeeze”—an escalation of a company’s share price that forces short-sellers to buy at an inflated value. Panicked traders at Melvin, Citron, and other big short-sellers reacted exactly as predicted: They scrambled to cover their shorts, knowing that the longer they waited, the more they risked losing.
By the middle of this week, the short-sellers were surrendering. Citron’s managing partner Andrew Left admitted the company had to cover its short Tuesday afternoon at “a loss of 100%.” As for Melvin Capital, it was only kept afloat by an injection of $2.75 billion in funds from other asset management firms. Data from financial analytics firm S3 Partners shows that GameStop short-sellers have collectively lost more than $5 billion in the month of January alone.
The masters of finance on Wall Street are, to put it mildly, pissed. This is a crowd that has enjoyed pretty much unrestrained power for decades, dodging the efforts of governments and activists to rein them in. To be outmaneuvered by a bunch of millennials on the internet has them seeing red—both literally and metaphorically.
Traditional stock market analysts and financial commentators are musing about whether the coordinated moves of WallStreetBets are illegal. Many are urging the Securities and Exchange Commission to chase down what they’re characterizing as a “pump and dump” scheme. They are crying out for help from the same regulators they themselves spend all their time avoiding and undermining.
These are the guys who brought us the financial crisis of 2008-09 and the Great Recession. They’re the ones who have made billions of dollars off the pandemic in the past year while the rest of the country lost their jobs and homes—or died from coronavirus. Whatever losses they’re experiencing now are certainly well-deserved.
That makes it very tempting to cheer on the WallStreetBets crusaders. Richard Smith, a market behavior analyst at the Foundation for the Study of Cycles, described their role to Markets Insider: “You have these media-driven platforms where the media isn’t controlled by the institutions in the way that it has historically been.” He characterized this as “a sign that the institutions are losing control.”
Heroes or same-old capitalists?
But WallStreetBets is not necessarily a den of folk heroes or investors driven by some social conscience. Some are saying they plan to make charitable donations with some of their winnings, but other forum members are simply bragging about all the money they’ve made from outsmarting the old Wall Street. One of the key ringleaders of the short squeeze effort, someone who goes by the username DeepFuckValue, claims to have turned a $50,000 GameStop investment into $20 million amidst the chaos.
Undoubtedly some of the more talented among the WallStreetBets crowd will be recruited to join the ranks of top firms—rebels eventually co-opted by the system. Others will get too caught up in the euphoria and eventually lose all their money when the bubble bursts. And let’s face it, this is capitalism—the bubble always bursts.
It’s also necessary to remember that the most powerful segments of finance capital usually find a way to shift the price for their gambling onto the rest of society by one means or another (remember the bailouts for the “too big to fail” banks?). It would be delusional to think that Wall Street isn’t making moves to offload its losses and go on the offensive.
The empire of high finance is already striking back. By Wednesday evening, the WallStreetBets forum on Reddit had gone dark, for reasons not yet clear. The WallStreetBets server on Discord was shut down. On Thursday morning, brokers started implementing restrictions on GameStop trades, raising expectations that more action will be taken by the establishment to regain control.
Taking note of the fact that trades in GameStop, AMC, and other shorted stocks were now blocked on the Robinhood platform, one Twitter user observed, appropriately, “The free market is only free until rich people lose money.”
Wall Street’s control over our society won’t be meaningfully challenged by simply replacing one group of gamblers with a different, younger group of gamblers. It wasn’t the robbers like Bonnie and Clyde that beat the banks and fought back against the Great Depression in the 1930s—it was the coalition of labor, African-American, and other people’s movements that won the New Deal and put capitalism on notice.
Now, as then, only organized political struggle by the working class and democratic movements has the potential to upend the power of finance capital for good and allow us to collectively decide our future.
So we can enjoy a laugh at the misfortunes of the hedge funds and short-sellers, but then we have to keep organizing.
Socialist_

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What does this say about the reliability of Whamoo?
The MGA licence is one of the better ones you can find in the online casino world as Malta is the major European nation when it comes to online gambling. It is home not only to most of the world’s top online casinos, but also to many software providers and other businesses providing auxiliary services in the gambling industry.
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If an online casino has a MGA licence, it means that all the important criteria when it comes to safety, honesty and reliability are fulfilled and that it is a safe place to gamble. For us, the online casino licence is always a first thing we check before we even would consider playing somewhere. With this crucial criteria being fulfilled, we can thus move forward in our Whamoo review and look at all the other things this casino has to offer. And to be honest, the whole Whamoo package looks quite promising! Three of the main selling points of the Whamoo online casino are:

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Stakelogic is another popular software developer which has added its games to the Whamoo game library. As one of the best-known developers in the software industry, it is always a good sign that Stakelogic games are available to play given that this company has made some exciting video slots.
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High limit gaming options

Whamoo is an online casino which is not only suitable for gamblers on a tight budget, but also for the true high rollers. You can place bets as low as a few cents, or as high as several thousands of euros or dollars at this online casino. Depending on your game of choice, whether its a jackpot video slot or classic table game, there are countless of options to bet big for maximum excitement and chances of winning top prizes. Further down in this Whamoo review, we will discuss some of the high limit games which are available.
Highrollers should also note that Whamoo comes with its own VIP programme in which you can quickly work yourself to the top category if you bet big. You can get instant access to your own dedicated casino manager and will get invites to high stakes tournaments. There are special weekly cashback bonuses as well for the true high roller gamblers at Whamoo. We will discuss the VIP program more in depth a bit further down this Whamoo review.
For now, let’s take a look at all the high roller games which are available at Whamoo Online Casino!

Endless rows of jackpot video slots

If you are a real lover of video slots you will be glad to hear that Whamoo has several hundreds of online video slots available. Although some of these slots are more suitable for beginning players or those on a tight budget, there are plenty of slots available where you can bet up to 100 euro/dollar per spin. This makes for some exhilarating and thrilling slot game action which will please any high stakes gambler out there!
Of course, Whamoo also has its share of jackpot slots where you have a shot at winning the progressive jackpot which can run well above a million euro or dollar! These premium slots, such as those using the famous Megaways system, offer countless of opportunities to place maximum bets at your video slot of choice.
Check the Whamoo game library whether or not your favourite slot is available as well, or try one of the many exciting new game additions! It is easy to browse through the Whamoo website. You can sort slots by software provider, or use the search function to check for your beloved title.

Join for some high stakes blackjack action

Blackjack has always been one of the most popular games among high rollers and the reasons why are quite clear. You can often bet high amounts of money on a single play and you can as a player slightly influence the outcome of a game as you need to decide whether you want to stand or hit another card.
At Whamoo, there is plenty of high stakes blackjack action. There are both normal blackjack games such as American Blackjack and multihand Blackjack, as well as blackjack tables in the live casino. In the live casino, which is powered by Pragmatic Play software, you can play several blackjack variants. Bets of up to several hundreds of euros or dollars, or even higher for the real VIPs, are possible.
Beat the hand of the dealer and hit that score of 21. Maybe it will be your lucky day playing blackjack at Whamoo Online Casino!

Grab a seat at the roulette table

There is plenty of roulette action at Whamoo as well. You can choose between virtual roulette versions, or opt for a seat at a roulette table in the live casino, where you are connected to a real-time croupier by video feed. Especially in the live casino high bets of up to a thousand dollar or more are possible, making roulette a big favourite among the real high stake gamblers.
Of course, Whamoo Casino has all of the the standard roulette versions of American Roulette, French Roulette and European Roulette. Most of these games are developed by software giants NetEnt.
In the live casino, there is also Roulette Macao Live, where you will be connected to a gaming environment which makes you feel like you are playing in the famous casinos of this Chinese gambling mecca. Live Speed Roulette, Live Roulette Auto and Roulette Azure are popular Pragmatic Play live casino versions of roulette which are available to Whamoo players.
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Whamoo's unique bonus package

One area in which Whamoo stands out as online casino is its great bonus package. Of course, there is a great welcome bonus for newly registered users. But the fun doesn’t stop there! At Whamoo casino, it is bonus day almost every single day of the week. On Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays the casino has recurring bonus offers if you reload you bankroll on one of those days. This makes Whamoo not only an attractive casino at the moment you sign up, but also at all those moments when you come back to play again.
300 free spins or a €200 deposit bonus

The Whamoo welcome bonus

We start of discussing the Whamoo welcome bonus which is called the “Welcombo” bonus by the casino. On a picture the Welcombo might not look too appealing as its packed in a carton takeaway box you might get at a certain fast food restaurant, but trust us on this: its contents are truly fantastic.
The Welcombo box contains a combination of goodies you get with your very first deposit at Whamoo. And what is best of all? You can decide what combo you want to receive! If you sign up at Whamoo for a free online casino account, you can determine your own bonus by adjusting the slide until you have found a combination which matches your idea of a perfect bonus.
This is a great option as it allows people to choose the bonus which best suits them. You can choose between free spins and a deposit bonus – or a combination of both. If you are an avid video slot gamer and do not care much about table games, you may want to slide all the way to the maximum free spins bonus. In that case, you will receive 300 free spins, but your deposit bonus will be 0%. The free spins in the Welcombo package are valid on the popular Amatic Industries slot Book of Fortune.
On the other hand, if you only care about table games and are not really interested in free spins and playing video slots, you want to adjust the slide to the maximum deposit bonus. This is a 100% deposit bonus of up to 200 euro. This means that if you deposit 200 euro of your own money to your newly created online casino account, Whamoo will top this up by another 200 euro from the house! If you select the full 100% deposit bonus, you will however not receive any free spins at all.
Of course, you can also opt for a mix between free spins and a deposit bonus. If you leave the slider in the middle, you will get 150 free spins and a 50% deposit bonus, for example. You can tweak this in any direction you want, for example to a 70% deposit bonus and 90 free spins. The higher your deposit bonus, the less free spins you receive. Want more free spins? Then your deposit bonus will decrease.

Welcombo bonus terms and conditions

Only one bonus is allowed per household and/or per player account. Do note that Whamoo’s bonuses remain valid until seven days after the required deposit has been made. Once this period ends, the bonus is automatically flagged as expired by the system and can no longer be released. The expired bonus funds are then automatically removed from the player’s account.
Of course, there is a wagering requirement which must be met in order to withdraw your bonus money and any winnings which may derive from it. Real money balance is used prior to bonus balance. The bonus balance will only be used when there is no real money available in your account. Only real money funds and released bonus funds can contribute towards the wagering requirement of the bonus. The wagering requirement for the Welcombo deposit bonus and free spins is thirty times (30x) the deposit + bonus.
Do note that players that deposit money using Paysafecard, Skrill or Neteller are not eligible for the Welcombo. To assure fair gaming and prevent fraud, Whamoo has placed a maximum cap on bonus money wagers, which are limited to a maximum per round/bet of €5 or its equivalent in other currencies. You should also be aware that certain games cannot be played using bonus money. There is a full overview of these games on the Whamoo bonus page.
Bets placed in certain games might not contribute fully to the wagering requirements.

Bets placed on video slots count for 100%
Bets placed on scratch cards count for 100%
Bets placed on blackjack count for 10%
Bets placed on video poker count for 10%
Bets placed on poker count for 10%
Bets placed on roulette, baccarat, sic-bo and craps do not count
Bets placed on live casino games do not count

Recurring bonuses at Whamoo

The bonus fun does not stop at the welcome bonus when you play at Whamoo! You can count on a constant stream of promotional campaigns and bonus offers. The casino has recurring promo offers every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. If you deposit some extra money to your online casino bankroll on one of those days, you are eligible for a bonus. It therefore pays off to wait for these days before you decide to reload your online funds.
On Monday it is Pick ‘n’ Play day to start off the week with some good vibes. On this day, the casino basically tops up your deposited money You can:

Turn your €20 into €25 with the code 100024;
turn your €50 into €65 with the code 100025, and/or
turn your €100 into €135 with the code 100026.

It is even possible to combine these bonuses if you want to deposit a larger sum! Alternatively, you can use the bonus codes of WHPICK5, WHPICK15 and WHPICK35 by putting these into the promo code field on the cashier page every Monday.

Whoa Wednesday

Wednesday is for many a difficult day in the week, it being right in the middle of another long week of work. To spice up things, Whamoo has come with an unusual bonus which it calls “Whoa Wednesday”.
Every Wednesday you get to uncover your secret gift – for free, no strings attached. The casino will add this gift to your next deposit. This can be a bonus, a set of free spins, or even both. You’ll get all the details once you’ve pulled off the cover and logged into your account. You will receive the bonus details and promotional code, which you can use in the promo field at the payment page to receive your hard-earned Wednesday bonus.

Freeday bonus

Friday is the favourite day of the week for many people – and the reason why is quite obvious. It marks the end of another working week and the start of some well-deserved weekend R&R! For many people this involves paying a visit to a land-based or online casino to get their kicks at their favourite game, whether it is a card game, roulette or video slot.
Whamoo knows that many people cannot wait for the days off work to start and therefore has come up with a special Friday bonus to welcome in the weekend! This bonus day is called ‘Freeday’ by Whamoo. The casino basically hands you a bunch of free spins if you are a regular customer. For every weekday from the previous week (Friday through Thursday) that you’ve deposited 30 euro or more, you get 10 free spins. For every weekend day you even get 20 Free Spins! That means up to 90 Free Spins are yours to play with. That’s a great start to a weekend full of partying and fun!

Wagering requirements

Do note that wagering requirements do apply to all daily promo offers. These are more or less the same as we outlined above in the description of the welcome package, but do take a look at the bonus terms and conditions page on the Whamoo website to know precisely what you can expect! As always, it is important to read the small print in order not to face any surprises later on.
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A fully mobile compatible casino

As a brand new online casino, Whamoo knows that already a majority of gamblers nowadays play on their mobile phones rather than on computers. Because of this, the Whamoo casino is fully compatible with mobile devices and tablets. If you load the Whamoo website on your smartphone, it looks just as good as on your laptop of computer. It’s equally accessible and orderly too! The mobile website is a breeze to browse through and you can easily access all the important pages such as the game library and payment page.
The same counts for the actual games themselves. Whamoo only works with software providers which are known to offer full mobile gaming support. These games are made in code such as HTML5, which means that the games can simply be played in your (mobile) internet browser. There is no download or special app required to play these games. Whether you are playing on your computer, tablet or smartphone, you simply surf to Whamoo.com and select your favourite game from the library. This game will then open in your internet browser – and you can play instantly. It does not matter whether your phone runs on Android or is an iPhone, nor does it matter whether you have Mozilla Firefox, Google Chrome, Internet Explorer, Opera, Safari or any other internet browser. Whamoo will function just fine!
This is absolutely great as you can now play at Whamoo wherever you are, whenever you want. Want to put down some wagers on the roulette table while you are sitting in public transport on your way to work? That’s easily doable! Just take out your smartphone on the train or bus, and surf to Whamoo.com to play at your favourite roulette table. Are you sitting on your couch at home and want to play a few hands of blackjack before going to sleep? Just take out your laptop, tablet or phone and within seconds you can have some of the most exhilarating blackjack fun on your screen.

The Whamoo Live Casino

Whamoo’s live casino is powered by Pragmatic Play and NetEnt software – which are two of the biggest, most reputable software providers in the world. This is great news for the players, as you can access high quality tables in just a few clicks.
In the live casino, you are connected with a live video feed to a real-time casino table in one of the casino studios of these software providers. You can play games like baccarat, blackjack and roulette like you are standing in a real land-based casino in Vegas or Monaco! Thanks to the high definition video stream, you have a great overview of all the action which unfolds on and around the table.
All table games are led by experienced, professional croupiers and dealers who are not only well-trained, but entertaining as well. By all means, feel free to open your microphone or the chat window to have a talk with them, or even with other players from around the world. This is what makes the live casino such a great invention. Even though you might be sitting at home in front of your laptop or computer, it does almost feel like you are standing in a casino for real!
Especially for high rollers the live casino is a worthwhile addition as table limits are often much higher than in regular games. Of course, if you are on a tight budget there will definitely be live casino tables where low minimum bets are allowed too – no worries there. But it is the experienced, high stakes gambler who probably feels most at home in the live casino.
There are multiple baccarat, blackjack and roulette variants which you can play. For roulette, there is American Roulette, European Roulette, French Roulette, Speed Roulette, Live Roulette Auto and Roulette Macao Live. If you prefer the casino classic of blackjack, you will find plenty of different tables all with slightly different betting limits. Baccarat is perhaps the game with the highest betting limit. Besides the regular version, there are also Speed Baccarat tables. A fourth casino game which can be played live at the Whamoo Live Casino is Sic Bo. Just browse through the list of live casino games, or use the search function to find your favourite table!
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Words of warning from a whale who has spent 5k on gachas

Achievement Tip Masterpost

LONGEVITY
Complete a Life Complete a full life
All you have to do for this one is die. You probably have it by now, but if you're super attached to your first Bitizen, you can always save your Bitlife and play somebody else wastefully or hold out until they pass.
Octogenarian See your 80th birthday Nonagenarian 90th birthday Centenarian 100th birthday Super-centarian 110th birthday Mega-centarian 120th birthday
Get on a healthy diet and garden and meditate twice a year. I like Nutrisystem. It's expensive, but I have advice for managing that below...
Strong Genes Achieve a 500-year generation Long Lineage 1000-year generation Living Legacy 5000-year generation
Never don't have kids. I like leaving everything to the youngest child and playing as them, but that won't make your kids happy with you or your heir. Your call. Either way, it helps to have a couple Bitlifes going in case you get tired of living carefully. Sometimes you're gonna want to be more reckless, you know?
WEALTH
Millionaire Become a millionaire My Second Million Achieve a net worth of $2m
Now that we have Royalty and Sports, this is a lot easier. Traditionally, if you're hot (95%+), drop out of high school and get your GED ($1k, you can do that in a couple years of dog walking/freelance gigs) and wait for a singer or actor career. If not, work hard in school and go to the gym often. Check your parents' stats and if they're generous make sure you pass your drivers test (maybe even ask if you can get a nicer one! immediately sell your car, they lose value fast) and take a martial art. It's much cheaper if they pay for it ($1K per tier in some countries) and gets you in good shape. If you're athletic, grind at a sport from middle school onwards. If you're not, try some athletic-adjacent clubs and go to the gym and for walks often. Pets count as additional walks which you can take from age 8+. When you're in good shape you can get a soccer scholarship (which can become a/)or a professional sports contract. More sports tips below, same with other careers. Basically try to get famous, not through politics. Or be hot and marry rich/have rich parents who die/be royal.
Multimillionaire Achieve a net worth of $10m Rich Net worth of $20m Super Rich Net worth of $50m Stinking Rich Net worth of $100m
Get a couple million first, then invest it in real estate. Or do ads if you're famous and it won't ruin your career. Helps to be big on social media for influence on that stuff. Fix up 1M+ houses and flip them when they've hit a value of 2 or 3 million. If you've got great karma or you're a religious figure of some kind, exorcise some mansions. You can do it all that way, or keep grinding careers.
Bitionaire Achieve a net worth of $1b
It's hard to get here from 0. Helps to leave everything to your youngest kid before you die after living a long, fruitful life. You can let your kid "take over" your assets at any time without tax now, that's the best way to do it. Then as soon as they're 18 make them famous/invest in real estate and repeat.
CAREER
Actor Become an actor
Be hot. You can drop out at 16 and get your GED for $1k (ask your parents for money or do freelance gigs for a couple of years). If you're not, go to the gym and for walks often. Pets count as additional walks which you can take from age 8+. Grind at a sport in school if you can to keep your health well and get plastic surgery at 18. Generally if your appearance stats are low it's either a nose job or liposuction that will fix it. Always go to the best plastic surgeon. Marry rich if you have to or work for a couple years if you have to, but start the career as soon as you can. Always work 5 more hours a week than required and compliment your supervisor if their coolness is high. Sleep with people in Hollywood (bosses coworkers etc). Your spouse/parent will generally be mad if you're in rude magazines, so hold off on dating unless they're cool or make them deal with it.
Airplane Pilot Become an airline captain
Grind in school and keep your mental health well. No drugs but drink if you feel like it, just make sure you can go to AA or whatever. Always work 5 more hours a week than required and compliment your supervisor if their coolness is high. If you're rich and you've inherited an airplane or you can afford lessons, take them. Go to University for a science thing that isn't biology lol. Start your Pilot Apprentice job.
At Inner Peace Work 75 years as a monk
Follow my longevity tips above and don't party or drink or do drugs. Always be honest. Meditate. Don't date.
Candywriter Work for Bitlife
Be born in Tampa, United States. Go to university for Information Systems. You'll get the achievement right away when you're hired.
CEO Become a CEO
Go to school for Finance. Get a job. Work hard every year.
Dentist Become a dentist
Go to university for biology, then dental school. Work hard every year.
Doctor Become a doctor
Go to university for biology, then medical school. Work hard every year.
Fire Chief Become a fire chief
Stay in good shape. Work hard every year.
Jack Of All Trades Have 10 careers in one life
Work at retail and food service jobs for less than a year, then go to university to get even more opportunities. Keep going for different paths.
Judge Become a judge Lawyer Become a lawyer
Go to school for english. Go to law school. Work hard every year.
Last Resort Seduce your boss to save your job
Be hot. Work fewer hours than required at your job. Make sure your supervisor is attracted to your gender and low professionalism. When your boss tries to fire you, seduce them.
People Person
Start with your less popular coworkers and work your way up. Pay attention to their stats so you know what they want. Get hard-to-get people with Bitlife Bitizenships ($5).
Combat
Armed & Dangerous Kill someone with a learned martial art move
Get to the top level of a martial art, (especially in prison) pick someone old to attack. Start a fight with them.
Midieval Attack Get attacked with a midieval weapon
Kinda chance. Just keep picking fights. You can get into a lot of fights if you're rude at nightclubs or to people on the street. Sometimes if you attack your loved ones or enemies with a weapon they'll kill you with a sword or something.
No Grasshopper Earn the top belt in a martial art
Each martial art has 10 tiers. They can cost $1k+ if you're an adult so if you've got generous parents take advantage.
Sensei San Earn the top belt in every martial art
Have health above 50% when you take a martial arts lesson. Follow above tips. Parents will probably only pay for one set of lessons, so pay for the other arts yourself as an adult. At $10k per martial art, it will probably cost you $40k-$50k.
Disease
Addicted Sustain 3 addictions at once
Play Blackjack or go to the horse races often with mid-tier mental health. Get addicted to pills or some other hard non-psychedelic drugs. Start drinking last b/c it'll kill your health. Try not to let your Bitizen get depressed or you might die, lol. All addiction is dangerous so it may take a few tries.
Bubonic Plague Contract the bubonic plague
Have low health and luck out. I got it in the UK.
Foam at the Mouth Contract rabies
Try to take home every wild animal you see. One might bite you. If you succeed, take it to the vet. If it doesn't have rabies, release it. If it does, don't treat it! Take it home and bathe it until it bites you.
Sickly Contract 10 diseases in one life
Best if you're not vaccinated, but just have mid-tier health and be really social. All afflictions count.
Successful Rehab Have rehab cured at a rehab center
Go to fancy rehab if you can afford it. Do it from your military deployment to go AWOL.
Witchcraft Get cured of a disease by the witch doctor
Eye of newt and cow tongue are iffy. Always start with health at 100. They've fixed cancer and sickle cell for me.
Entertainment
BitBoi Watch Bijuu Mike on YouTube BTS ARMY Go to a BTS concert
Keep asking friends to watch YouTube/go to concerts every year until you get those options.
Movie Junkie Go to 5 movies in one life Moviegoer Go to a movie
Go to the movies every year. It's good for your relationship if you go with somebody.
Fame
Brightest Star Achieve maximum fame
Actor, model, writer, athlete career path. Keep doing every bonus thing (talk shows, books, pose nude, commercials) and verify on social media.
Centerfold Pose for Wank magazine
Agree to pose nude every time until you get it. I think this one has women mostly but I can't remember.
Endorser Get paid $2m for a commercial
Easy if you're a high paid actor or model doing an international commercial.
K-Pop Become a famous Korean singer
See my wealth advice. Follow it with the "background singer" career and start in Korea.
Fertility
DNA Donor Make 25 sperm donations in one life
This one is hard b/c you can only do it once a year and only until a certain age. So start at 18 and don't stop. I think you have to be American. Maybe UK and Canada too? Not legal everywhere. Try not to miss a year.
Fabulously Fertile Have 10 children in one life Fertile Myrtle Mother 25 children in one life
Meditate every year. Start at 18. You have to be cis. Eat healthy and exercise. Get boyfriends and have unprotected sex with them so you don't get STDs. You can be a mother up until like 51 if you're healthy and lucky. Keep having sex until you get pregnant.
Smart Seed Get artificially inseminated with lawyer sperm
Start at 18. You have to be cis. Be fertile (tips above). Keep pulling up the option to get artificially inseminated until a lawyer comes up. Don't listen to your partner if they don't want you to do it LOL.
Super Sperm Have 100 children in one life
Be a cis dude. Meditate. Be handsome. Have a million girlfriends. Use the dating app to keep dating young women. Don't abandon any kids but leave girlfriends as soon as they're pregnant. Hire every surrogate that will take you if it's legal. Sue them for the max ($200k) if they bail (not miscarry).
Three's Company Have triplets
Sometimes this happens if you're a dude with luck or while you're doing Super Sperm. Sometimes if you're a woman it's luck too or when you do IVF with your partner's sperm or other artificial insemination.
Military
Career Military Serve your full career in the military
Tips for staying alive below. Retire as soon as you can.
General Achieve the rank of general in the military
Be a good Army person. Grind at work like 5x a year. Keep in shape. Be nice to your seargeant.
Admiral Reach the rank of admiral in the military
Be a good Navy person. Grind at work like 5x a year. Keep in shape. Be nice to your seargeant.
Absent Without Leave Go AWOL in the military
Be deployed with an addiction and check into rehab. Whoops.
Excavator Clear 10 minefields
Be deployed, and use a minesweeper solver to not die if you suck at minesweeper.
Pet
Adopt Don't Shop Rescue every pet in the shelter
You gotta have a few houses. Then you're good. You gotta do it all in one year so have like a lot of houses. Like 5 at least. Tips for getting rich above.
Horsing Around Own 50 horses in one life
You gotta have a bunch of ranches. Buy a few horses a year. Tips for getting rich above.
Just Keep Swimming Buy a goldfish and release it.
You can do this one as a kid too if your parent gets you a goldfish.
Natural Selection Rescue every pet in the shelter
This one took forever. Just keep buying dangerous exotic pets and rescuing every dangerous animal you see. It's luck.
No Probllama Buy a Llama
Buy a ranch in Afghanistan. Go pet shopping.
Prison
Aftermath Escape prison in a riot Instigator Prison riot
Get good at Snake. Keep rioting. Works best in low security. Takes a couple tries, kind of luck.
Behind Bars Spend 50 years in prison True Lifer 75 years in prison
Do a murder in a country without the death penalty (Canada). Murder with full health at 18. Get a prison job. Meditate and work out every year. Keep your head down. Try half-heartedly to escape every once in a while so you don't accidentally get parole or something. But if you get out you can always go back. Rob a bank or something. But keep your health and behaviour up in case you get sick and need to go to the infirmary.
Gangsta Join a prison gang
Go to a medium or higher security prison.
Inmating Get a lover pregnant on a conjugal visit
Be a cis man with high fertility. Have a good relationship (80%+) with an 18 year old cis woman. Make sure she isn't on birth control. Do a small crime, get a prison job, and meditate. Request a conjugal visit.
Justice Get freed from prison by appeal
Be rich. Wait a couple years after you're sentenced for something non-violent.
Mercy Me Get granted clemency
Be a nun or a monk for 50+ years. Don't retire. Do a murder. Get a prison job. Meditate, work out, go to the library, and write letters to home. You won't know until the year you're scheduled to die, so hold on.
Midnight Express Get sentenced to Turkish prison
Be born in Turkey. Do a crime.
Theseus Escape a supermax prison
There are a ton of Bitlife prison guides. Do a murder and escape from death row.
Royalty
Executioner Execute 5 people
Be king. Or queen. Top dog, either way. It helps to have enemies or friends to make enemies.
Markle Marry into the royal family
Be a commoner in a country with royals. Be cute. Go on lots of dates. It'll pop up and be part of their name. They could be a viscount or whatever, no member of the royal family is too far removed.
Monarch Become a monarch
Start as prince or princess and inherit the throne.
Napoleon Get exiled to a distant land
Keep executing people. And do a bunch of disservice.
Reign Over Us Reign as monarch for 100 years
In a country where Prince/Princess is top monarch or where your king/queen parents are low health/dying, keep your health up until you're a super-centarian (see above).
Sports
Canton Get inducted into the football hall of fame
Be a great football player. Be famous. Play as long as you can. Keep being famous after football as long as you can. I stopped being famous at 40 and got inducted at 60.
Christiano Win the Ballon d'Or
Be a European soccer player. Keep winning championships (see below).
Full Ride Win an athletic scholarship
Start playing sports in middle school. Become captain of at least one team with a pro league.
Giggsy Win 13 career championships
You can train each stat up twice in a turn if you trade teams, but you'll lose respect, so pick your moments. Grind your whole life. Keep going to the gym. Trade teams when you guys start losing. Stay on top.
Hooker Yell at a leopard
Try out for professional rugby with high athletic stats. Choose Hooker as your position.
Lance Win a championship while doping
It's safest to dope the year after a drug test. Try it for your second or third championship.
Real Estate
House Hunter Make $2m from flipping a house
Buy a $2m house. Leave it to your kid. Sell it. See above.
Mansion Party Throw a party in a mansion Real Estate Mogul Purchase real estate worth $10m combined Trailer Party Party in a trailer
Pretty straight forward. If you're broke start with the trailer party. Then buy mansions. Advice for getting rich above.
School
Brothers Forever Get hired by a frat brother
Be a jock. See sports advice above. When you're in two sports at university, compliment the jocks' leader. Be good looking (plastic surgery if needed, see above) and google the answer to the question if you need it. Google high-level frats and pick one. Then when you get hired after school one of them might hire you!
Earning that A Seduce your teacher
Be really attractive and compliment your teachers who are attracted to people of your gender. Take the opportunity to sleep with them if it arises.
Naughty Child Get expelled from school
Be rude as hell to the principal/headmastedean
Swimming Star
Start swimming as young as you can and stay in shape. "Work harder" every year.
Social Media
Social Media Join social media Social Media Sharer Post Social Media Oversharer Post 5 times Social Media Star Get a million followers Check! Get verified
Join all social media platforms at 13. Be pretty and keep posting. Follow above advice to get famous in any public career to get more followers. Start with Instagram for verification around 100k. By the time you're a lead actosupermodel/etc you'll have 1m followers.
Vehicle
Antiqued Keep a car running for 200 years.
Buy a brand new car. Do maintenance twice a year. Pass it on to your kid (18+) and repeat.
Car collector Assemble a car collection worth $1m Lambo Buy a Lamborghini
Buy a lambo and a bunch of other fancy cars. Who cares. See advice above for money.
Not The Yellow One Buy a submarine
You need $5b for this to show up reliably.
Titanic Trouble Run into trouble on a yacht
Have a shitty yacht or shitty luck. Go for a bunch of rides.
Animal
Animal Rescue Rescue an animal
Helps to have 100% smarts. Read childrens books so you don't have to tap too many pages. It'll only take two or three.
Deaf Leapord Yell at a leopard
Buy a leopard from the exotic animals dealer and yell at it when it misbehaves.
Gorilla and the Fist Get decapitated by a gorilla
I had to buy so many gorillas from the exotic animals dealer to get one crazy enough to decapitate me. Just keep bathing it and letting it attack you every year until it kills you.
Unicorn Find a unicorn
Go for like 10 walks a year. Have good karma.
Hungry Hippo !!! NEEDED !!!
Apparently Egypt is good for this.
Lion Tamer !!! NEEDED !!!
Apparently Kenya is good for this.
Crime
Balcony Buccaneer Steal 100 packages in one life
It's a lot easier to avoid punishment by wielding your title if you're a monarch. This one took me ages as a civiliian.
Burglar Burgle 25 homes in one life
Play Snake well
Cold Killer Kill 10 people in one life Serial Killer Kill 25 people
Start with random homeless people. If you're a royal exert your title to avoid punishment. Keep buying your way out of prison as long as you can. Then start killing other prisoners, start with the oldest and work your way down to the strongest ones. Work out and meditate every year. Pay guards for protection if you can but you probably won't be fucked with if you keep strong and murderous.
Dillinger Rob 5 banks in one life
If you're royal you'll get away with it. Make sure you have a getaway car either way. Clown mask/closest equivalent and handgun/closest equivalent work best.
Scare to Death Scare someone to death
Do a murder but pick scare to death. Works best if they're old.
Bugatti Bandit !!! NEEDED !!!
Going Anywhere !!! NEEDED !!!
LOVE
Black Widow Widow 5 husbands in one life
Start using the dating app when you're 18 and go for old guys. Best if they don't have kids and if they're rich. Propose after you fuck when your relationship is at 100%. I like to be on birth control for this.
Golden Anniversary Be in a marriage for 50 years Diamond Anniversary Marriage for 75 years
Keep seeing movies together and fucking and complimenting each other. Cute as hell. Just marry young and try to both stay alive.
Fake It Propose successfully with a fake ring
Works best if you're rich and they love you and they're dumb.
Family Planner Convince a lover to go off birth control
Be a cis man. Be in a strong relationship with a cis woman. Ask her to go off birth control. Easiest if you're married to her.
Maiden Named Marry a man who takes your last name
Marry a man and don't change your last name. Kind of a luck thing. Make sure your relationship is strong.
Multigamist Get married 10 times in one life
Pre-nups and widowing make this easier but do you. Love them and leave them. If you're a young guy it's really easy to get older women to agree to marry you.
Stud Have 100 lovers in a single life
Hook up like crazy. Date all you can and fuck all of them. Use protection so you can stay alive.
Wedding Planner Agree to an arranged marriage
I did this in India as a woman with wealthy, religious parents.
Bejeweled !!! NEEDED !!!
General
All Along Have a parent who comes out of the closet
Could be luck. Or you can cheat it with a Bitizenship by making both parents gay and unreligious.
Begone Exorcise your own ghost
Be an exorcist. Buy a haunted house. Do what you do best.
Booty Call Have a successful Brazillian butt lift
Be healthy and have good karma. Use the best doctor. Cross your fingers. They still only work 1/3 of the time.
Cliff Diver Go cliff diving Hero Save someone's life Player Perks Accept a casino's hospitality offer Snake Snack Eat a snake ZAP! Get struck by lightning
Random event
Dignified Donor Donate a 1m+ heirloom to charity
Get your heirloom every day. Appraise it. Donate the first $1m+ one you get.
Flamin' Hot Survive 60 years on a Hot Cheetos diet
Get liposuction every couple of years and work out and walk a lot. Have no other conditions. Do your best. Get pets for more walks. Garden. Try to survive. Start at 18.
Flee the Country Emigrate to escape justice
Escape prison and emigrate
Frankenstein Survive 5 botched plastic surgeries
Keep going to the bad doctor. Go for risky procedures like butt lifts. Space them out to get your health back up.
Goat Grabber Join a goat grabbing team
Be athletic and join a goat grabbing team at school in Afghanistan
Human Dictionary Read the dictionary
So much tapping. But eventually it will show up in your books. Be strong.
Hyperthymesia Score 20 sequences on the memory test
The worst part of Bitlife. I did this one by writing 1,2,3 or 4 on a piece of paper according to which # square lit up with my right hand and doing the puzzle on my phone with my left hand. Still took like 5 tries and was really frustrating. Take breaks and come back with a clear head.
Jackpot Win the lottery jackpot
Keep your karma high and buy 10 tickets 5 times a year. You'll get it eventually.
Lowroller Get refused entry to a casino
Bet more money than you have on Blackjack. Once you're out of prison, try to come back. They'll turn you away.
Nightmare Wake up from a nightmare
As a pilot, buy a terrible plane. When it crashes, accept your doom. You might wake up.
Paranightmare Contract PTSD after a paranormal experience
Try to have bad mental and good physical health (a hard balance. Try gardening, dieting, and fighting with friends or loved ones) and then try to exorcise stubborn ghosts.
Perfection Achieve perfect stats
Pretty easy. Work out, get plastic surgery (lipo or nose job to start) and go for walks, read children's books (3 should get you to 100%) and go to the movies or on vacation.
Rich Justice Win a $1m+ lawsuit
Get fired from a really high paying job like CEO and win your lawsuit.
Run Bitizen! Win a bet on Bitizen There's Always Canada Emigrate to Canada Winnipeg, Eh? Visit Winnipeg
Wait until it pops up as an option
Say Goodbye To Hollywood Get deported from the United States
Move to the U.S. without permission. Get caught doing a minor crime.
Skeezy Get called "skeezy"
Be an asshole at nightclubs and in the streets. Fight with your friends and coworkers, insult them and start rumours.
Sweepstakes Win the sweepstakes
Set it up on a day where you'll be by your phone. Sign up every time you can.
Try & Stop Me Violate a restraining order
Stalk your ex. Do it again after they file a restraining order.
Ultimate Betrayal Your spouse leaves you following a gender reassignment
Have a terrible relationship with your heterosexual spouse. Get gender reassignment surgery.
Unethical Bribe a college official
Be rich and have dumb kids.
Roswell !!! NEEDED !!!
Sacrilege !!! NEEDED !!!

ACHIEVEMENTS GUIDE WITH ROYALTY UPDATE

[REPOST of this.]
LAST UPDATED: 09/13/2020 ~ Lion Tamer achievement has link to a new post I created with notes and how-to guide.

Royalty:

Monarch: become a king or queen.
- Optional: in god mode, you can select the royalty status of a new life. Select prince/princess, and kill your parents later in life or wait until they die until you inherit the throne. If you happen to have older siblings, kill them off.
Executioner: execute 20 people. It can only be done as king or queen. Edit: this can be done multiple times in one year. Depending on the country, people may revolt against you which can lead to exile. If you want to avoid this, be a king/queen in Saudi Arabia. Thank you u/Scarlet_Hare.
Napoleon: get exiled by repeatedly executing people or selecting public disservice. Do this until your respect is at 0%. The people will revolt against you, and you will be exiled.
Reign Over Us: reign as a monarch (king/queen) for 100 years. To do this, become king/queen. Have a child, and kill your spouse immediately. Then surrender. The child will automatically become the king/queen. Live for 100 years by keeping your health up by following the steps under the Longevity section. Make sure to keep your respect high by doing public services.
Markle: be a female, live in the UK, have high looks to become a famous (edit: you can become a famous actress but it's not required. Thank you u/notoriousbaby), and use the ~~dating app~~ REGULAR dating tab, NOT dating app, to date and marry into the royal family.

Longevity:

Keep your health up by going to the gym, meditating, taking walks, and going to the doctor when you're sick.

Wealth:

The fastest way to become wealthy is to become a famous actor or famous writer. I also recommend living in countries that don't have estate tax such as Germany, Sweden, Monaco, & Norway. Start off with high looks for actor or high smarts for writer. Join social media & post every year. When you become famous, do a commercial every year.
While there are other high paying jobs such as porn star, model, and music composer, I do not recommend these because you won't be able to make much extra money on the side. For porn star and model, you can do photo shoots, but they don't pay nearly as much as commercials do.

Real Estate:

Become wealthy using the advice for wealthy achievements. For flipping houses, buy equestrian properties & keep renovating them when necessary. If you buy an equestrian property in your 20s, by the time you're in your 70s-80s, the net worth of the property will increase by a few millions.

Social Media:

Become famous and post every year. When your fame bar is at 75%, request verification.

Animal:

Animal rescue: take an animal to a shelter.
Deaf leopard: buy a leopard from the exotic pet dealer & yell at it when it misbehaves.
Gorilla: buy a gorilla & mistreat it.
Hippo: try to pet the hippo. You'll die from it.
Lion Tamer
Unicorn: completely random.

Career:

Follow this career guide.

Jack of all trades: have 10 different jobs in one life. Apply for jobs that don't require a degree and stay for a few years (I stayed for 2 years).
Candy-writer: be born in MIAMI (NOT Tuscon) with high smarts. Major in computer science and get a job as an app tester with BITLIFE. DO NOT GET A JOB WITH CANDY-WRITER. THE COMPANY SHOULD SAY BITLIFE.
Last resort: have high looks. Use god mode to edit your boss to have 0% professionalism, 0% strictness, 0% willpower, and 100% coolness.
- While you have good performance at work, seduce your boss.
- If done successfully, lower your performance percentage bar by insulting and pulling pranks on coworkers.
- When a pop up shows up saying you've been fired, beg your boss for another chance, & try to seduce them again.
People person: if you have trouble befriending your coworkers, use god mode to set their craziness to 0%, coolness to 100%, willpower to 0%, and low professionalism.

Combat:

Medieval weapon: insult people until someone attacks you with a medieval weapon.
Armed & Dangerous: Tiger Claw Strike (Kung-Fu) seems to be the most deadly. Aim at the person's skull or throat.

Disease:

Bubonic plague: random.
Rabies: pet stray animals that you come across. One will eventually bite you & give you rabies.
Witchcraft: avoid taking raw egg, venom, & green bubbling liquid as these are the deadliest things you can consume.
Addicted: accept all substances offered to you. Go clubbing (with high looks & low smarts) to get more access to substances.
Sickly: Get sick with 10 diseases in 1 life.
- Do this by going clubbing as soon as you turn 18. Accept substances that are offered to you & hook up with random people.
- Try to get as many STDs as you can including but not limited to: chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, and genital herpes.
- Go to the gym every year to get other illnesses such as: ringworm, staph infection, athletes foot, etc.
- Note: you can also get HIV and Hep B from hook ups, but make sure to keep your health up so that you don't die from complications.

Entertainment:

BitBoi: watch YouTube with friends until Bijuu Mike pops up.
BTS ARMY: go to a concert with a friend every year until BTS shows up.

Fame:

Brightest Star: get max fame by having high looks, posting on social media, & doing commercials or photo shoots.
Centerfold: do photo shoots every year until you do one for Wank magazine.
Endorser: become a famous actor & do a commercial. These typically pay about $4,000,000
K-Pop: be born in South Korea. Have high looks, & get a job as a background singer. Work hard every year & get promoted to lead singer. Post on social media. You'll eventually become a famous pop star.

Fertility:

DNA donor: have high looks &/or high smarts to be allowed to donate your sperm.
Fertile myrtle: be born a female. Get pregnant as soon as you turn 18 by artificial insemination or unprotected sex. Do this every year until you have 25 children.
Smart seed: Be a female, graduate high school, and have a decent amount of money ($45k). Check the artificial insemination option. If a lawyer doesn't show up, close out of the app and restart it until a lawyer (NOT judge or paralegal) pops up.
Super sperm
Triplets: increase your chances by using artificial insemination.

Love:

Fake it: use god mode to lower your fiance's smarts to 0%, then propose.
Bejeweled: marry someone rich or use god mode to adjust your SO's money bar. Keep your relationship bar full.
Black widow: use a dating app to marry men 80+.
- Optional: use god mode to set their health to 0%.
Diamond Anniversary: marry young & keep your health bar up. Use god mode to set your SO's health to 100% so they won't die quickly.
Family planner: set your SO's smarts & willpower to 0% & convince them to go off birth control.
Wedding planner: be born in an African country such as DR Congo. Wait until your parents arrange a marriage for you & accept. Gender doesn't matter.

Military:

Career military: serve a full career in the military. Avoid deployments by closing the app & restarting.
General: enlist as an air force, army, or marines officer. Work hard every year until you become general.
Admiral: enlist as a navy or coast guard officer. Work hard every year until you get promoted to admiral.
AWOL: get addicted to alcohol by going clubbing. Once you get addicted, go to rehab.
Excavator: to clear 10 minefields, it's best to practice minesweeper until you're good at it. This DOES NOT need to be done in one life. You can do this over multiple lives.

Prison

Escape from prison: get arrested for a petty crime & get sent to minimum or medium security prison. Use this guide to escape.
Justice: be wealthy & apply for an appeal.
Aftermath: riot every year. Each year, the number of prisoners you need increases by 5. The max is 25. Once you hit 25, keep rioting every year until you can escape.
- Rioting will lower your health. Keep your health bar green by bribing the guards, going to the infirmary,working out, & meditating.
- You can only escape when your health is green.
In-mating: get arrested in a minimum or medium security prison. Arrange a conjugal visit. Make sure your spouse has a high crazy level.
Mercy Me: follow the steps in the wealth achievement section. Get arrested with a long sentence. Be on good behavior by meditating every year, ignoring prisoners, & being respectful to the warden. Appeal your sentence. Note: while in prison, DO NOT join gangs, incite riots, or bribe guards.
Theseus: the easiest way to escape is by following the instructions to the aftermath achievement. Otherwise, you can check out this guide.

School:

Naughty child: easiest way to get expelled is to enroll in college & get bad grades by not studying & skipping class.
Brothers Forever: join a frat in college by having high looks. When you graduate & look for a job, you'll be hired by a frat brother.
Earning that A: seduce your teacher by having high looks. Use god mode to change the teacher's professionalism & willpower to 0%.
Swimming Star: have high health & join the swim team in high school or college. Practice hard every year to become captain.

Vehicle:

Get rich using the steps in the wealth section above. Obtain your pilot & boating license to complete these achievements.

Antiqued: buy a car. Get maintenance done every year. Do repairs when needed.

General:

Cliff diving: spend time with family & friends every year until you go cliff diving.
Hero: save someone from choking.
Skeezy: insult people until someone calls you skeezy.
Snake snack: go to the witch doctor every year until she offers a snake.
Emigrate to Canada/Visit Winnipeg: check the emigrate/vacation list every year until they show up.
Zap: this one is random.
All Along: change a parent's sexuality to gay using god mode & hope they come out.
Begone: become an exorcist & buy a haunted house. Age up one year & exorcise the ghost(s).
Dignified Donor: find a $1m heirloom (random) & donate it.
Flamin' hot: sign up for the hot Cheetos diet. Keep your health up by going to the gym, meditating, & walking every year.
Flee the country: escape from a minimum or medium security prison using this & emigrate.
Frankenstein: go to a low-rated plastic surgeon and get a botched penis enlargement surgery or breast augmentation.
- Note: DO NOT GO FOR A BRAZILIAN BUTT LIFT. A BOTCHED ONE CAN KILL YOU!
Human Dictionary: select the book option under mind & body until Merriam Webster Dictionary shows up, then read it.
Low-roller: lose money at the casino until you have a negative bank balance. Run from the guards. You may serve time in prison or successfully evade the guards. Try returning to the casino. You will be denied.
Nightmare: be wealthy by following the steps in the wealth section. Buy an airplane, jet, or helicopter and fly every year. Eventually a bad situation will come up and you need to pick an option. Sometimes it will turn out that the situation was just nightmare. Credit to this post. MAKE SURE TO BY A USED PLANE IN BAD CONDITION. WHEN A POP UP COMES UP, SELECT SIT BACK AND ACCEPT FATE.
Para-nightmare: live in a haunted house. When encountering a ghost/paranormal event, scream. Make sure your health is very low. You can do this by going on unhealthy diets such as Hot Cheetos or High Calorie. You can also drink alcohol. Avoid drugs so that you don't accidentally overdose.
Player perks: [will update]
Resourceful: marry a rich person that's 80+ & wait until they die OR have a low net worth & divorce them.
Rich justice: be wealthy by following the steps above in the wealth section. Sue a plastic surgeon who botched your surgery or an ex-spouse (both tend to have a decent amount of money). Sue for $1 mil and pick the most expensive law firm to represent you.
Roswell: Be wealthy by following the steps in the wealth section. Buy an airplane or jet. Fly every year OR if a prompt does not show up, close the app and restart the game until an alien encounter pops up when flying. Credit goes to this post and this comment.
Run Bitizen: go to a horse race & bet on Bitizen the horse & hope it wins.

Crime:

For burglary achievements: have high smarts to increase your chances of stealing successfully.
For murder achievements: if a pop up comes up saying you've been arrested/taken to court, close out of the game & restart, then try killing again.

Pet:

Adopt don't shop: follow the steps in the wealth achievements section & buy a large property (equestrian/ranch/farm). Then adopt all the pets at the shelter. There is not a limit to how many pets you can adopt if you have a large property.
- Note: you will not be able to adopt if you have a criminal record.
Horsing around: buy an equestrian property so you can buy horses. Buy 50 horses in 1 life.
Just keep swimming: get a gold fish from the pet store & release it.
Natural selection
No Probllama: buy a llama by having an equestrian property & going to the exotic pet dealer. YOU MUST LIVE IN A SOUTH AMERICAN COUNTRY (e.g. Argentina, Chile, Peru, etc.)

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ACHIEVEMENTS GUIDE WITH ROYALTY UPDATE

Royalty:

Longevity:

Wealth:

Real Estate:

Social Media:

Animal:

Career:

Combat:

Disease:

Entertainment:

Fame:

Fertility:

Love:

Military:

Prison

School:

Vehicle:

Crime:

Pet:

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